Well Hung: The Fig in All its Glory

Try as I might to join in the fun, The French sense of humour has always eluded me.  It's either loftily erudite or miserably low-brow.  There's no middle ground for an ironic, self-deprecating girl like myself.  That, or something is definitely lost in translation.  I had all but resigned myself to a mirthless existence of never quite getting what was so funny when I came across a certain jam. How could a jar of fig confiture make me laugh out loud?  It's all in the name.

Couilles du Pape, produced by award-winning confiturier (jam and preserves confectioner) Francis Miot, is made using only the highest quality provençal figs and unrefined cane sugar.  It is sweet and sticky and full of the Mediterranean sun,  everything you want a fig jam to be.  For those of you not fluent in French slang, couilles du Pape translates as Pope's balls.  Yes, seriously.

The name stems from the legend of Jeanne, the cross-dresser who became Pope thanks to a rather embarrassing oversight.  Whether this really happened or not was of little importance to the Holy College; the very idea of a woman pope was enough to push for a modification of the papal throne.  After Benoît III's election, he was made to sit on a throne with a hole cut out of the seat.  One lucky cardinal had the job of slipping his hand under the throne to testify as to the presence of the papal jewels.  The declaration "Duos habet et bene pendentes" (there are two, and well hung) was then made, presumably to a collective sigh of relief.  On the streets of Avignon, the seat of the Papacy at that time, the people hastened to add "like two figs" to the proclamation.  A joke, and a jam, was born.

You can order directly from the maker's website, though for deliveries outside of France you'll have to contact them for an estimate of shipping costs.  Alternatively, you could try making your own.  I did, and the results were divine.

Couilles du Pape Fig Jam

Ingredients

1/2 lemon

1 kg ripe figs, stems removed
750 g sugar
1 vanilla bean, split length-wise

Directions

Combine the lemon juice and zest, figs and sugar in a bowl. Cover and let stand about 2 hours, stirring occasionally.

Transfer mixture to a saucepan and add the vanilla bean. Over medium heat, bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for about an hour, stirring frequently.

When things start to look all jammy (you can test by following this tip), remove it from the heat, taking care to extract the vanilla bean, and pour into hot, sterilized jars.  Cover tightly.  Your sticky-sweet treat will keep for about 2 months in the refrigerator.

Fig jam works in so many ways, not just on toast.  Try my baked brie and fig jam.  So easy, so good.